


Can You Burn From the Inside ? Asking For a Friend

by Fuzzy_Mat



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Gen, RemRom shippers DNI, Rom is mentioned to be a ship at some point but it's ambiguous, Roman Angst, Song fic, could be possible suggested suicide watch out, in a, remus is mentioned a lot but this is roman centric, sorta a human au but I don't expand upon it, this is just really angsty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:35:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25989067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fuzzy_Mat/pseuds/Fuzzy_Mat
Summary: OG prompt/summary: a sort of arsonist au (both metaphorical and literal) i guess that was born from the song “Arsonist’s lullaby” by Hozier
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders & Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Can You Burn From the Inside ? Asking For a Friend

**Author's Note:**

> OG note: no beta reading and no read more due to being on mobile and yes i know flames and fire is used a lot but bear with me here
> 
> Again ignore that readmore, I [originally](https://fuzzynat.tumblr.com/post/187022261795/can-you-burn-from-the-inside-out-asking-for-a) posted this August 15th, 2019; I'm moving all my old writings onto here because tumblr's tagging system is really wacky; nothing is changed from the original (including html)
> 
> If you feel anything else needs to be tagged, please tell me

_When I was a child, I heard voices_

_Some would sing and some would scream_

_You soon find you have few choices_

_I learned the voices died with me_

They were maybe 6 at the time when Roman first heard them. He never understood them as their voices clashed and contradicted each other like someone banging muffled pots and pans in his head. They scared him at first; Remus always reassured him it was just his imagination that brought them to life. Yes nothing more than a bit of an overactive imagination was all… he became quite skilled at ignoring the voices with time.

_When I was a child, I’d sit for hours_

_Staring into open flame_

_Something in it had a power_

_Could barely tear my eyes away_

It was only a few years later did they fully recognize and get to experience fire. The voices were still there (he could never truly get rid of them) but this seemed to quiet them. Staring at the bonfire soothed him deep down and even if he didn’t quite understand why, he wanted to always feel that stillness. He thought about it and if this fire brought such a calmness then surely if he could somehow carry this fire wherever he went then he will always feel peace. It was decided there that fire was his favorite thing.

_All you have is your fire_

_And the place you need to reach_

_Don’t you ever tame your demons_

_But always keep ‘em on a leash_

No one ever told him that even with its beauty, fire could still hurt. He had learned that the hard way. Like fire, he burned brightly in what he did, but like fire, he would grow enraged and leave nothing but soot covered ruins in its place. He hated what he did but he had to keep that fire going. He had to keep the voices quiet. “You need to control that temper of yours” and “you’re far too hot-headed to play with us, Roman” became common dialogues thrown at him now whenever he tried to play nice. Even with his flames, Remus still stuck by his side no matter what and that’s all that mattered. He didn’t need friends. He had his brother and that was _fine._

_When I was 16, my senses fooled me_

_Thought gasoline was on my clothes_

_I knew that something would always rule me_

_I knew the scent was mine alone_

As they grew older, he began to try and find other ways to have the blaze continue burning. The fire was bringing more trouble than he meant it to, and the sneering comments now threatened to douse the flames completely. Remus kept reassuring him that the fire never burned him, but even Roman could see the ashes littered around them no matter how hard he tried to keep it contained. That’s until he realized that maybe sometimes he didn’t have to keep it inside. With a stolen lighter and a gas canister clutched tightly in his hands, he snuck out and decided to finally give the flames something else to consume that wasn’t his internals and relationships.

_All you have is your fire_

_And the place you need to reach_

_Don’t you ever tame your demons_

_But always keep 'em on a leash_

He didn’t know when it became an addiction of sorts but he could see the concern in his brother’s eyes. It started with some leaves once a month and now he always seemed to even have a candle burning nearby so he could stare into the flames for hours. The voices had gotten worse now if he was without the orange flickering that he became practically reliant on the warm glow. Remus kept begging him to stop sneaking out so late, to explain why he smelled of gas, why his shirt had black marks on them (he started wearing darker colors after that) and why there were so many lit candles. Roman tried to keep the internal flames down with his questioning and worrying as he had been doing so well as of late but it became too much. Like an inferno, he made those internal flames consume everything around him including his brother. He realized far too late what he had done when he saw tears glistening in Remus’ eyes. It was there that he had decided that he despised fire the most.

_When I was a man I thought it ended_

_When I knew love’s perfect ache_

_But my peace has always depended_

_On all the ashes in my wake_

Remus stopped talking to him after that event but it was fine his brother was far safer away from him anyways. He stopped having anything to do with that cursed burning heat as well ever since that night. Sure it caused the voices to return ten fold and left him sobbing on his floor when alone, but it was for everyone’s safety that he would never allow those flames to control him again (he became quite the skilled actor). It was worth it when he became quite close to another soon enough. Seeing him smirk or chuckle at his jokes made it all worth it. The searing kisses he shared with the man even would give that peace he desperately needed again even if the peace only lasted for a short time. He tried desperately not to become addicted to the glow of his lover, to make the small blooms of heat enough, to not search for those wretched flamed once more but he never said he wasn’t a weak man. It was just one spark that did it, but somehow seeing those once caring eyes filled with pain he caused, hurt far more than when they belonged to his brother.

_All you have is your fire_

_And the place you need to reach_

_Don’t you ever tame your demons_

_But always keep 'em on a leash_

He had no one but it was _fine._ He would make it _fine._ No one else deserved to be consumed by his flames. He had no one else to blame but himself for everything that occurred. If the others tried to push back into his life, he would just push them back out even harder because he had to keep them safe. He tried to keep the voices and urges at bay but again he never said he wasn’t a weak man. All he needed was his fire was all the voices would say and with that, he finally let the flames consume him whole.

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is [fuzzynat](https://fuzzynat.tumblr.com)  
> I don't really write for this fandom anymore, I'm just moving my old writing over here for storing reasons.
> 
> I still actually really like this fic and how it turned out if I'm honest


End file.
